I want someone else to leave.

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I remember getting these messages from
Chad the day after I starting working at diesel. I couldn't understand how anyone could be "over" this city and why you'd want to spend more time in Philly than in NYC.... well, I'm starting to get it now. I wish I still couldn't understand. I'm fighting it so hard.

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when you get a taste of the comfort you've had before, it's hard to get it out of your head and even harder to let it go. I've come to realize that in any case I will choose temporary comfort over long term happiness. I'm trying to keep a level head and I'm doing well.

keep your feet on the ground when your head is in the clouds

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just a thought: move into an apartment in philly, go to hair school while working at the philly diesel parttime, get a job at a classy salon giving badass people badass haircuts, be close enough to wc to go home just for a night if I wanted to, still get to be creative, i've been cutting peoples hair since I was 19, maybe do some freelance styling?

just a thought.

I really love ny but it's been almost 7 months and I still haven't let myself settle yet. I totally took the life I had for granted. I've got to settle or make a new plan.

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finally did it. it hurt A LOT less than I thought it was going to/how everyone made rib tattoos out to sound. yeah, the top rib part hurt the worst but it was definitely not that bad. which means, I'll be doing this again. just have to figure out what else I want. oh and those are my parents and sisters jersey numbers (mom and sis are both 15). if you know my family, you know how important those numbers are.

ps. it is straight, well done, etc. etc. I was just having a really hard time taking a decent picture where I didn't look like a complete skank taking some sort of nudes

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I turn 23 in about an hour and for the first time in probably 4 years I'm not freaking out about turning a year older. could be the fact that I actually did something different with my life and moved to a new state and totally changed how I was living. or it could be that maybe I'm just growing up? either way, it feels good to not be freaking out about it. time to enjoy celebrating another year I'm here

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I'm bummed on myself right now and I really need to turn things around. I'm not thankful enough for how things are going in my life right now. I may not have the social life I used to but I'm working in a great place, I'm living in (or around) the city I've always dreamt about spending all my time in. I'm just taking it all for granted. I don't call my parents half as much as I should. I don't do enough to thank my sister for letting me live rent free in her apartment for the past 5 months. I need to call my friends more often and stop being bummed on the fact they don't always call me. I'm the one who moved away. I'm the one who has the free time to call and at least leave a voicemail or at least send a text saying I'm thinking about them. I need to stop being bummed on the fact that a guy who basically told me flat out that he was bad for me actually ended up being bad for me. my wishful thinking always takes over in those situations. I need to stop spending money on food or start eating healthier. my eating habits haven't really changed since I moved but I feel like I've gained some weight and more than just the ass I've grown from walking everywhere.

now that I've recognized all those things, it's time to make some changes. I've got a good life and I need to start being thankful for what I've been given. okay, cool.

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I'm reading he's just not that into you, keeping a food diary and listening to dashboard... could be worse.

my cat also died. she was 14 (we think) and we've had her all my life. I cried. but not as much as I thought I would. I guess because I don't live at home anymore so it doesn't seem real to me because I can't actually see that she's not around. I was home for 3 days last week and she had a stroke the day after I left. I'm starting to get sad again so I'm not going to keep talking about it.

I need a second job. I still love new york. I miss my friends from home. I think I'm getting sick.

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